(via it-only-gets-worsee)
Why would it matter…?
If I killed myself. Right now. Would it matter? No. Past the initial pain, people would move on. In fact, they would be a lot less burdened and at least subconsciously relieved. I can’t make it through this daily hell anymore….Why is nothing I do ever good enough? Why can’t I catch a break? Bad things just happen to bad people? I’m not sure. I’m too numb to cry anymore. I’m too numb to process my self disgust at its full intensity. There are nights where I will just pray that I don’t wake up. That, if there is a god, he’ll realize I’ve been through enough and end my suffering. Isn’t that what a god is supposed to do? A good god, anyway? Nothing works. I’ve tried therapy, medication, and I’ve even fallen in love. Why can’t I be happy? Why do I have to feel this low all the fucking time? I constantly feel suffocated…If we live life to be happy, what is the option for the few of us who suffer like this? When no matter how hard we try we cannot be completely happy… Why is suicide so stigmatized? I’m not a coward, nor selfish. I constantly worry about everyones happiness before my own. Why is it that the one thing I want to do for myself is socially and morally unacceptable? It’s unbearable to think that there is a light somewhere and I am eternally confined to the dark….I’m hurting so fucking bad I don’t even know what to do…
